Dirty little secret
by Forbidden13Angel
Summary: Basically it's about why Sessh is the way he is. It's explicit and contains inusest. Not for younger readers. yaoi, etc.


**Chapter 1**

_**The sacrifice**_

I had always loved my father, worshiped him. He had been good to me, always showing love and respect. I never had a mother. She had died when I was but a small child. Though I remember her. I remember how she loved my father.

He had sent me here, to this mansion. The western lands. . I knew nothing of the people here, nothing of the secrets this place held. I had briefly met the InuLord. InuTaisho his name was. He was a nice man, one whom I felt I could trust. I thought I would like my time here.

My father had sent me here for protection. He had said that I would be safe here, that InuTaisho was a good friend of his and that no harm would befall me if I obeyed the InuLord. I had no problem with obeying the friends of my father.

I found my self wondering about the castle late that night. I had been awakened by something, though I did not know what. My youki had awoken me, it had felt something. I had to find out what.

My stomach was in a knot and I could smell something strange in the air. Something I did not recognize. Then as I drew nearer I heard a muffled moaning, snarling. I thought I heard a whimper. I stopped at the turn of the long corridor and sniffed the air.

I was thirteen, it was an entire seventeen years away from maturing for my kind. Snow Leopards. We were much like dogs in that aspect.

I wrinkled my nose, a musky haze. It sickened me. I gagged and took a deep waft. Something was familiar about it. Then it hit me, blood.

The choking, intoxicating mixture of blood and musk was so enticing. I had no idea what the musk was, it was an unfamiliar smell to me. But it did not seem right.

I came to a door. It sounded like the rasping and soft growling was coming from inside.

My senses picked up another familiar scent. InuTaisho, and something similar but yet not the same. Young, scared, enticing.

I heard a whimper from the younger smell and a cruel chuckle from InuTaisho and suddenly I realized what was happening. My youki flared and I lost all remnants of my humanity.

This was rape. Inutaisho was raping someone whom was related to him, but who?

I stormed into the room and my heart froze. The dog lord had a younger male pinned against a wall. There was blood on his back, in his long silvery hair, running down his legs. He looked defiant, but broken.

The dog lord snarled at me and pulled out of his prisoner. I snarled back

The dog lord was naked and furious, he was huge, erect and at that moment I realized what I had done. I had broken up a rape and by the look of the other male it had not been the first one.

I had given up my innocents now, my youki whimpered, but I shook off its sudden fear. I would not let this monstrous mutt harm the younger male again. Not if I could help it.

I knew nothing of sex or its implications, all I knew was that it hurt the first time and it was not meant for me, or dogs before their thirtieth year and this poor male was far from thirty. I judged him no more than fifteen.

He had tears in his eyes now, fear and pain taking its toll. He shook his head at me sadly from where he had sunk to the floor.

"You little snooping bitch!" The older youkai yelled as he grabbed me by the hair. I winched but did nothing to stop him. I snarled and reached down for his engorged member. My hesitant youki guiding me. I didn't understand why it was so afraid of this simple act, but I didn't care. I had to save the younger male. I knew I could and I knew it would be less harmful to me than it would be to him.

I grasped the throbbing length and stroked it lightly at first, but increased my grip as the youkai before me loosened his grip in my hair. He resumed his rasping as he led me to the bed but at seeing the panic in the younger male's eyes I let go of the older youkai.

His eyes snapped open and he snarled viciously.

"Not here." I hisses.

He gave a tormented giggle of pure lust as he scoped my young body.

"Little neko whore. You think you can tell me what to do!?" He snarled hoarsely.

I slipped off my silk robe and let it pool on the floor at my feet. My youki flared and whimpered in begging fear. It knew something I didn't and it scared me, but I couldn't live with fleeing and leaving the younger male to this torment.

The youkai Lord shivered. I knew at that moment that I would always have an advantage over males.

"You were saying my Lord?" I smiled.

"Where?" He gasped, unable to control his lust. He reached for me and I guided his hand to my hard nipple.

"Anywhere but here." I breathed as he cupped my breast. I lead him out of the room and down the hall. Around the corner he stopped in front of heavy mahogany doors and pushed them open.

I paid no mind to the luxurious chambers, or to my nagging and whimpering youki. All I cared about was saving that male from InuTaisho's torments.

The dog lord grabbed me and tossed me down on the four poster bed.

"You'll pay for your snooping wench. You stupid girl." He laughed harshly.

My youki flared in anger this time. But I suppressed it. I had to keep control of this situation. I had no idea what I was doing but I knew that did not matter. My instinct was there and despite my youki's fear it knew what to do.

He reached down and caressed me before taking hold of my hips and prying my thighs apart. I felt a shiver up my spine. This felt good, in a twisted way.

I didn't fight him, but I applied a minimal amount of passive resistance, he seemed to like it.

He shoved his engorged length into my body and I gasped as the sudden sharp pain shot through me, but my youki screamed blindly, it was defeated.

The pain was soon coupled by pleasure. It was something I had never felt before. The searing heat and the throb of my walls. The youkai gasped as he shoved in again.

Soon enough his pace quickened and I was enveloped in the sick mix of pain and pleasure. It was intoxicating and strangely irresistible. The dog lord was consumed by his lust as he trust in and out of me over and over again. I doubted he even knew it was me. He seemed blind when he looked at me and ignorant of what he was doing. I remembered the fear in the younger youkai's eyes and I shuddered. I couldn't imagine the pain he had been in when I found him. How long had he been tormented by this monster between my thighs? I knew the answers to my questions would come sooner or later. I would not leave this place soon. I knew that.

The youkai grunted and turned me over. He laced his clawed fingers into my long black hair and ripped my head up. I almost screamed at the pain that shot through my back and neck. He kissed me in my neck and I quivered. Was this his way of showing affection? The bastard. Had he done this to the other male?

I snarled. He increased his pace and I knew he was close, but before he could cum I felt my own orgasm explode through my body. My first. How could something so wrong, so demented feel so good? He laughed hoarsely as I ended my exasperated moan. He knew he had made me cum. And he would do so many times in the future.

"My little neko whore. You liked that didn't you?" He rasped in my ear. He released his grip in my hair and hugged his arms around my small waist.

Instead of retaliating I groaned and tightened my grip on his throbbing length inside of me. We both shuddered at the pleasure it shot through our bodies. I smirked as his arms started to slump. He was losing his strength.

He suddenly arched his back and leaned me forward onto the bed. He growled as he rode out the remainder of his orgasm. I felt the warm liquid inside me and shuddered. My youki softly whimpered as the dog lord pulled out of me and fell onto the bed next to me.

We were panting madly and sweating with the strain of remaining conscious. Never before had I experienced such pain or such pleasure and to have both at once was… tormentingly arousing.

I understood little of what had happened that night, but I cared not. I had saved the young youkai male from this old mutt. I waited till the creature was asleep and then I rose and padded back to my room where I found my clothes. I took a long warm bath after noticing that there was blood on my thighs. To this day I do not know weather it was my blood or the blood of the younger youkai.

Instead of going to bed I snuck to the room where I had found the rape in progress.

I slowly opened the door and stepped into the room. The musky smell that permeated the air was lessening.

The younger male was bathed and dressed and sitting in the corner of the room with his knees pulled up to his chest. He had been crying I could smell the salt in the air.

I padded over to where he was sitting and sunk down next to him. I did not touch him for he stiffened at my close proximity.

"Why did you do that?" He whispered. His voice was heart wrenching. Tortured and beautiful all at the same time. I took in his perfect face and hair. His golden eyes and the soft dark blue crescent moon on his forehead. My breath caught in my lungs. The same mark as InuTaisho! This perfect creature next to me was his son! His first born son! And he had raped him!

I gulped down my shock and calmed myself.

"I don't know." I answered.

"You didn't have to. You shouldn't have! He'll never let you go! Never!" The youkai gasped. Tears welled in his eyes.

"I couldn't let him hurt you like that." I protested softly.

"You don't even know me." The youkai said shocked. For the first time he looked at me. Kami he was beautiful.

"I don't have to. I just had to save you." I stammered.

He clasped his eyes shut as a single tear slid down his left eye and across his cheek.

"Why?" He forced the word out. He was so close to tears it made my own youki whimper as it felt his tormented one cry out with his pain.

"Why not? I just don't see why you should suffer if I could take it away. I just needed to stop him from hurting you. Is that okay?" I asked, not understanding why he had cried because I saved him.

"No one has ever cared for me…" He finally gave in to his tears and slowly laid his head into my shoulder. I hugged him and let him cry. I was torn by his reply.

"How could anyone not care for you?!" I gasped. I cried with him then. So much pain imprinted into such beauty.

He fell asleep in my arms and when I woke the next morning he was getting dressed again. He had a stoic expression on his face. He showed no emotion now, but I knew better.

He noticed I was awake and shook off the stoic expression and replaced it with a repressed dread. "Sesshomaru." He said. His voice was no longer so tortured, but even more beautiful. "My name is Sesshomaru." He repeated. I was drowning in his gorgeous and lustrous voice. Deep and soothing.

"Nikita." I said simply.

"No one knows." He added.

I nodded, letting questions run through my mind again.

"It started when I was eleven. That was four years ago." He paused. "He is leaving today. I'll tell you the rest tonight." He looked at me sadly. "You really shouldn't have done that. He'll never let you go."

"Bite me." I said as I rose and walked out the door back to my room.

_A/N Hey guys!_

_This is my first fanfic so be nice! I wrote this kinda in a daze. Hehe sorry for the new character, none of the females in the series really have the impact I need for Sesshomaru. So yeah. Review please!_

**Chapter 2**

_**You're ready**_

I waited for him in his room that night. I thought he would not come, but he did.

He discarded his outer layer of clothing and strolled over to his bed. He lay down on his back and sighed heavily. His torment had returned. He was tired and sad, so sad.

He cuddled up close to me. I felt him quiver as if to cry again, but my youki was calm.

"You don't have to tell me." I stated after a long silence.

"Bite me" he stated as he began his tale. "He was not always like this. He loved my mother more than anything and his love was pure and good. But she had died giving birth to me and he had blamed me ever since. He never got over her death and I don't think he ever will. He went into heat when I was eleven and that was the first time he took me…" His voice trailed. And I lay down in front of him and put my hand over his. "It has been going on ever since. His youki has taken control of him and he has stopped trying to fight it." He finished.

"Technical." I breathed. I spoke in my local tongue so he could not understand, or so I thought.

"Like I said. No one has ever cared for me. Technical is all I know." He sighed sadly.

I choked. "Gomen-nasai, but I don't think that technical is going to make you feel any better."

He opened his golden eyes and looked into my blue ones. "Feel better? You think that breaking down will make me feel better?"

"Eventually, yes. I can teach you to feel better, or rather not to feel bad." I ventured. It was something I had been taught. It was part of being a snow leopard. But mostly it was an art I had taught myself after my mother died without producing an heir to my father's empire. It was now expected of, and I had been scared to death. So I taught myself not to care.

He blinked. "And how do you expect to do that?" He asked confused.

"We can start on that once you trust me. But that has to happen on its own time."

"I do trust you!" He protested propping himself up on an elbow.

"No You don't. You think you do, but your youki doesn't. Be patient. Listen to your youki. Learn to trust, don't force yourself.".

"Why are you doing this for me?" He asked, a sudden heavy sadness in his voice.

I sighed. "I don't know Sesshomaru." I liked the way his name rolled off my lips.

He whimpered softly. "Call me… Aniki." He caught me off guard. His pet name. This was something that was reserved for only those who meant the world to you, hardly someone whom you've just met. "Ariel." I said hesitantly. I had never professed my pet name to anyone before, not even my father.

"What do you mean when you say he'll never let me go?" I asked.

"He will own you for the rest of your life. Even if he dies you will still be nothing but his toy." He answered bitterly. Tears welling in his eyes.

I looked at him and snarled. "Is that what you think? He doesn't own me and neither does he own you! He never has and he never will! I'll see to that! You are the most beautiful creature I have ever come across! Don't you dare think little of yourself! He is the one who is nothing. He is a slave to himself. A slave to a woman he can never have and now he takes his anger and grief out on you! He has no right!"

Sesshomaru almost faltered then.

"You are so much more than a _toy_! You are the heir to the youkai empire! You are beautiful and powerful! One day you will be great and he will be nothing but a shadow. Aniki damnit! You are worth so much more than this! Allow yourself to believe that! Don't allow him to own you." I said desperately trying to break through to him. I cupped his cheek in my hand and he almost relieved at my touch he hugged me and cried again. I was thankful that he cried. He needed to.

I stayed with him that night. I could not leave him. I watched him sleep. I could not begin to imagine the pain he had gone through. All the heartache and the emptiness that plagued him. Kami he was beautiful. I stared at him as he slept. He stretched his arm out and I noticed two stripes on each of his wrists. At first I thought they were demon markings but on closer inspection I saw they were scars. Maroon red scars. Probably that mutt's doing.

For the first few months it carried on steadily. InuTaisho would come some nights, to his room, but now I was there. Sesshomaru told me what time he came and taught me how to read his father. I managed to distract the dog lord most nights that he went in search of the young youkai that was his son, but there were times that I could not stop him. So I knew that I had to teach Sesshomaru what I had taught myself.

In those nights that I could not stop him I would wait until the dog lord left and then sneak into Sesshomaru's room and try to comfort him. Then one night, the night I had been waiting for came.

I opened the door and I knew what I would find. He was sitting in the corner again, tears in his eyes. Naked, sweating and panting. I came closer hesitantly, not wanting to disturb him even more. Not wanting him to flinch. But suddenly he reached for me. I took his hand and he dragged me down and buried his face in my neck and cried, freely. I bit my lip, fighting my own tears. Now he trusted me. He was ready. After a while of just sitting like that I got up and ran a hot bath for him. His father's scent clung to him.

For once there was no blood.

He sat tiredly in the bath and closed his eyes as I washed his silky silver hair. For the first time he noticed me. He really looked at me. I felt his golden gaze run over my body. I didn't mind.

"You're ready." I whispered into his ear after I rinsed his hair. His eyes opened again and he half smiled at me, relieved that his time had come.

"It's not easy. It hurts, sometimes even more than the initial pain, but it takes time and once it starts to work, trust me, there is nothing as soothing as apathy." I explained.

"What do I have to do?" He asked.

We were lying on his bed. My nose was more in tone than his since I was feline and he was canine. I could smell the older youkai. I knew he was sleeping, and I would know when he wakes.

"You have to go over every detail, every second of every incident as much as you can over and over until it stops mattering. It's the only way Aniki." I said softly, knowing full well how difficult it was.

He clasped his eyes shut and hugged me tight. I felt his warm wet tears in my neck. It seemed impossible.

"Gomen-nasai." I whispered.

"Don't be sorry Ariel. I just… I don't know if I can do it." He breathed softly.

"You'll know when you're ready Aniki." I assured him. I hated seeing someone so beautiful so broken.

Later after he calmed down we lay there talking about nothing in particular; just to keep his mind off of the events of earlier that night. He seemed as if he had quite a lively sense of humor and almost as if the child side of him had been a lively and jolly, happy little creature who enjoyed the little things in life, now he was nothing but a tormented shadow of that little boy.

For a moment we lay silent, staring at each other. I had recently turned fourteen and he was now sixteen. Yet I knew we were far beyond our years, unnaturally so. But we accepted that. We had no choice.

As I lay there staring at him my thoughts drifted towards my own fear. I had no idea when my father would expect me to get pregnant. My heart told me that he would wait till my maturing year or even after that, but my instinct, my youki told me different. It was the one thing in the world that I could not stop fearing and I did not know why. My father loved me he would never hurt me, why would my youki fear the intentions of his?

I was ripped out of my thoughts by two silky lips on my own. Sesshomaru was kissing me! I hesitated for a moment, but my youki moaned so I returned the kiss. I parted my lips to allow his tongue entry and we tangoed with each other's tongues. Then suddenly the realization hit me. I pulled away.

"Aniki. Are you sure you want to do this?" I asked. He had already caused the heat in my veins to flare up. I had not realized how much I craved him.

He nodded quickly, and then gave me a pleading gaze. "Show me what it's supposed to feel like." He begged. Kami! He had never been with a woman. I should have known.

I said nothing, I just kissed him again.

He hesitantly reached up and pulled the shoulder strap off my shirt. I was not one to wear a kimono unless protocol commanded it. We sat up together and I let him slip off the strap completely. He was shaking, scared. I suppose he feared what he was doing because his father had forced it upon him. He didn't understand.

I removed my shirt and my skirt and sat down in front of him. He looked at me, as if he was afraid to move. I took his hand and brought it to my bear breast, then the other one. His breathing became faster as he cupped my breasts in his hands and for a moment I thought he panicked. Then I came closer to him and took his face in my hands.

"Don't be afraid Sessh. You won't hurt me. I promise."

I sat naked before him and once he relaxed his racing mind his eyes traveled over my body again, just like they had earlier that night.

He took off his inner layer of clothing, that was all he was wearing. At seeing him naked now I could not help but keen in anticipation. He heard this and this time he did not hesitate to kiss me. He cupped my cheek in his one hand and I put my arms around him and let him move me underneath him. By now he was erect and I could see then that there was one thing he had in common with his fucking father. He was… equipped.

I decided to leave him in complete control of the situation. He had been dominated all his life. Now it was his turn to take the lead and call the shots. But he also did not know how to fuck a woman. I doubted that he had ever been inside anyone.

He took it slow. The kissing lasted a while and when he finally couldn't take it anymore he slowly pushed into me.

I gasped at the sudden surge of pure pleasure that crashed into my body. He looked at me in a hint of panic as if he thought he'd hurt me, but I bought my hips into his, pushing him deeper inside my throbbing walls. He whimpered, but not from pain. From utter pleasure. It was something he had never experienced before. Neither of us had ever had pleasure without pain before.

I wrapped my legs around his hips as he slowly began to thrust in and out. His gentleness astonished me. He did this, I suppose, to savor the feeling, as if he expected it to vanish and become a sudden rush of blood and agony at any second.

His steady rhythm was almost maddeningly exotic to me. For someone who had never been with anyone he was ten times better than his gigolo of a father who had, by now, bedded everything from a full youkai to a ningen girl.

I reached up and kissed his swollen lips and he devoured my mouth hungrily. Wanting more. I wanted more. Slowly his pace quickened and I started gasping with every little movement. He seconded my gasps. Never in my existence had I imagined such pleasure. And I knew that with every thrust it would only build and heighten to a climax I dared not imagine.

There in that bed with our bodies entwined and our pain temporarily consumed by passion, Sessh made the ultimate decision. One I had certainly not expected.

He flipped us over and stopped moving. He was letting me ride him?!

He sat, his hands on my back supporting me, his face a few inches lower than mine. I was in his lap and he was buried deep inside me. I kept still, trying to fathom what to do. Why would he submit to me? This was meant for him to take charge.

He let out a tortured and plaintive whimper. Then I started moving again. I rode him to the pace he had set and I slowly leaned back a little so he could plunge deeper into me. He fit me as if we had been made for each other.

My body had consumed him hungrily and entirely. I had, at that point, believed it impossible for the pleasure to increase, but still I gave it a chance.

I clamped myself tighter around him and was instantly thrust into an orgasm that exploded everywhere in my body.

But I kept going. I moved the way my instinct told me to. He was moaning louder now, no longer able to contain himself. We were building up faster now. The final stretch was upon us both.

He took me by my shoulders and slammed me down on his hips hard as he arched into me. We came together. In a final burst of passion.

I collapsed onto the bed next to him, panting uncontrollably. Two hours of such intense an act had taken its toll on both of us.

He threw his arm over my middle and dragged me toward him. We lay there drenched in sweet, panting hoarsely.

"Ariel. I love you." He whispered in my ear. My heart leapt. Love? It was love. I knew at that moment. That is why I had saved him that night. It was love from the start. We just failed to realize it until now.

"I love you too Aniki."

_A/N. So what ya think?_

_I like that love seen? Hehe. Review please!_

**Chapter 3**

_**Defeated**_

For six more months InuTaisho bombarded Sessh and I did what I could to minimize the time he spent with him.

Sessh was bad off as it is. He was doing as I told him to. He was remembering every second. It is the hardest thing anyone will ever have to do. But after six months of intense emotional strain on his part and endless sleepless nights trying to console him on mine, he told me one day:

"He did it again last night." I was confused. I had been with InuTaisho last night.

"But…" I began, but he cut me off.

"He came to me when you were sleeping. He said he knows what you're up to and that you won't stop him from taking me." He looked at me, there was no distress in those golden pools this time. "I told him he would never take me again. I don't belong to him and I never will. He hurt me, but I didn't care. I knew it would end and that he would go away and then it would be over and that there was no need to be afraid. Ariel, I didn't cry. I don't even want to cry. I'm not sad." He finished.

I smiled. I knew I had tears in my eyes, but it was tears of joy this time. "Oh Aniki! I'm so glad!" I exclaimed as he encircled me in his strong arms.

He was now no longer the thin little boy who I had seen that first night. He was maturing. He had build up mussel and was now rather perfectly toned.

We never stopped our secret passionate nights after that first time. I had also, by now, confessed my own fear to him, but this I had begged him to burry in the back of his mind. It was now time to teach him the art of apathy in itself.

He had to learn how to live only in the moment and end all thought of tomorrow.

This he mastered quickly.

Later that year he even began to snap at Tai. We had come to address him as Tai and no longer Lord InuTaisho. He had not taken well to the change in respect.

Tai's visits to Sessh's chambers suddenly became very few and far between. Then one day he called Sessh to his study. I followed.

"I have taken a human mate Sesshy." He said, staring daggers at me.

I saw Sessh stiffen. He hated when his father called him Sesshy. It started that first night.

"What does that have to do with me?" Sessh asked.

"She has borne me another son." The dog lord stated casually.

"A hanyou!?" Sessh shouted. "You would disgrace your name so!?"

"Oh hush Sesshy. InuYasha is far more precious than you. You'll see." Tai taunted.

"I don't give a flying fuck who means more to you! Why would you drag your legacy through the dust!?"

"Because I can. And because I want to. And because I love Izayoi." The older youkai stated rising and walking over to stand in front of Sessh.

"Like you loved my mother?" Sessh spat the question like venom from his mouth.

Tai growled and a red stain flowed over his golden eyes. I cursed Sessh's anger. Now the youkai lord was enraged and on the brink of killing him.

But instead of killing him he let the rage fade and a smile crossed his face. A sickeningly innocent smile. "At least InuYasha didn't kill his mother, now did he?"

"That hanyou will never be anything. He will pay when you die you bastard." Sessh snapped.

InuTaisho cupped his face in his hands. "No, you will. You will be nothing for the rest of your life. You'll see. Soon enough you'll know how good and pure a father I can be. I will give InuYasha what you never had. And with that I will give him the fang you so desperately want."

"You would entrust the Tetsusaiga to a lowly half breed?" Sessh asked astounded, forgetting the insults at him and his father's hands on his cheeks. He had learned well.

"Yes. I would." That was Tai's parting words as he left.

Sessh was 18 when InuYasha was born, when he was stripped of his birthright. Of the only thing he had left of his beloved mother. But with that came a sense of relief. InuTaisho was mated, therefore he had a woman and a baby to keep him busy This gave Sessh two years of breathing space, but it was in that very month in which InuTaisho left for the border where he would spend the next two years, that my father came looking for me…

At first I did not want to believe it. But I knew he was here for the baby. Sessh knew, and he wanted to stop it, but I was driven by my sense of duty and loyalty toward my father. So reluctantly he let me go home.

There I was impregnated by a male named Kovu and that is as much as I know about him. Xera, my stepmother, was there to monitor my pregnancy. It was a taxing thing. My youki could not contain the newly forming youki with which it had to share my body with now. I was feverish towards the end of my six month pregnancy. We only carried for six months, not nine like humans.

I knew little of birth and what I knew was not very encouraging, though I was not afraid. I didn't care what happened. My youki had been weakened so severely by the young youki that it no longer had the strength to retaliate against it, so the new youki ran amok inside my soul, feeding off my energy.

I heard Xera telling my father that she didn't think I would survive the birth. He did not believe her, said that she was underestimating me. When my labor started I saw the look in her eye.

At first I was not bothered by the pain, it was almost comforting.

But as the pain became unbearable after 12hours I became delirious. I was dazed, I had no understanding of what was going on around me. My vision was blurred and my hearing was muffled and distant. All there was, was a pain I could not fight, I could not ignore, I could not take.

My animal side and what was left of youki obeyed commands like 'breath' and 'push' but I had no idea what was happening. I don't exactly know when my youki flared, but that is when I was knocked back into my senses. My youki was alone, but the baby was still inside me… There was no other youki. No other life force. The child was dead. I panicked and tried to move but Xera stopped me and told me that it was almost over.

So I took it as it came for the next hour. Wave after wave of agony I cannot begin to describe. I became aware that my father was in the room and so was Nala, his newest partner. It was not like snow leopard male to have only one female.

I heard Xera gasp and curse as another wave of agony slammed into me. I did not scream, I could not scream. I strained and bore down, more on instinct than anything else.

"Xera what's wrong?!" Nala cried in horror. Then I felt it. The warm trickle of a substance I was all too familiar with. I was bleeding. Badly.

"She's bleeding! Oh Kami! She'll bleed out if the baby doesn't come now!"

I tasted tears in the air, softly at first, but then more noticeably. I did not know where they came from. I didn't care. All I wanted was to die.

Fifteen excruciating minutes passed until I felt the child leave my body. Xera handed it to a foot girl who took it away to be examined. I found it oddly amusing. There was no need for rush, no need for fuss. It was dead and I knew. All this pain had been for nothing.

Xera worked on me trying to stop the blood. The metallic smell of it permeating the air. I was still clenched together in pain, a numb ache. That I could not quite place. My mind started swimming. My youki collapsed and let out a final cry of defeat as I slipped into the darkness. The last thing I heard was my father scream in tormented agony at watching his daughter die for him.

_A/N _Depressing isn't it?

I love being depressing.

**Chapter 4**

_**Whole again**_

I stirred awake. The soft silk sheets smelled of Jasmine and Myrrh. My mother was sitting next to me. I was in Rivendale. The place you went when you died, this was heaven's purgatory.

A hand lay softly on my shoulder. There was no pain here. I turned around. "Mom." I said expecting to see my mother. But it was not her. It was a figure with golden eyes and long silver hair.

"No child. My name is Aline. I am Aniki's mother." She answered. I caught the glance of my mother standing behind her in the door way. They were dressed in white and light blue.

"Aniki…" I said. My heart fluttered and my youki howled in despair. Tears pricked my eyes. "Aniki…" I said again. My voice failed me and I started to cry. I had died on him! I gave up! How could I be so selfish!? He needed me!

"Mama! I can't leave him alone!" I cried at my mother who strode over to me. Her dark chestnut hair flowing behind her. Aline hugged me and they both smiled.

"You won't leave him alone sweetheart. It is not your time yet." My mother cooed.

"You have to go back. You have so much more to give child." Aline smiled.

I relaxed, but then I was consumed by fear. Back meant back to the pain. But I shook it off.

Aline rested my head back down on the pillow and I closed my eyes. My mother bent down and kissed me on my forehead and whispered.

"No! Baby please no! I'm sorry. Nikita! Don't die!" Her voice became my father's tormented scream.

He was holding my hand and he was crying uncontrollable. It was dark. How long had I been in Rivendale? The pain slammed back into me and I gasped. I opened my eyes and clasped my jaw as I bit back a scream.

I felt the blood trickle down my thighs again and I found myself whispering.

"Daddy please make it stop! It hurts so bad make it stop please!" I cried.

"Xera!" He screamed as he looked into my eyes. His face was red and wet with tears. He had been crying like this for a while. Xera came scrambling in and immediately went back to trying to stop the blood. I clasped my eyes shut and arched my back as she started whatever it was she was doing. My father started to cry again.

"I'm sorry Ariel! I'm so sorry." I slumped down into bed as Xera finished and for a moment I struggled to stay conscious. My youki had fallen out again and was lost to me. I knew it had not died because I could feel it in my soul, but for a moment I lay there before my father utterly defeated, human, dead.

"Daddy it hurts so bad." I whimpered again. As if he could make it stop. I wanted him to cry, I wanted him to feel it. He did this to me! But I was too weak and too desperate to care. I just wanted the pain to go away.

"I know baby. It's okay. It's okay. Gomen-nasai." He said as I started crying softly.

I saw the other thing that had broken his heart. I saw how Xera looked at me. Dread. They didn't know what to tell me. They knew the child was dead and they didn't know how to tell me.

I gathered my energy and slowed my breathing. "What was it?" I asked. I had to torment them a little. My father shut his eyes tight and I saw the tears flow again. Xera turned her back to me. My youki woke up and gave me a little of my demon ability to handle the pain a bit easier.

"A girl." I gulped I had not expected it to be an entire waste. I had hoped it was a boy, but no. Now it didn't matter if it was dead. It would have been useless to him anyway.

"Baby. She's…" My dad began but he could not finish.

"Dead." I said.

He looked me. "I felt her die."

"Oh Ariel. Gomen-nasia. If I knew…" He never got a chance to finish.

"Don't call me that Baka!" I screamed. "I hate you! Sorry is all you'll ever be!" I could not control myself. The pain had taken over. All of my suffering had been for naught. My body was no longer mine. It now belonged to my dead daughter. My youki would never be the same again and I would never fully recover. I had been thirteen years to young. My body and my youki couldn't handle the pregnancy and I did, technically, not survive the birth. I would never be me again.

After my lash out Xera and Nala had to take my father out of the room. He was inconsolable for two days.

The pain slowly began to dissipate and I began my slow and taxing walk to recovery. Which I believed I would never finish. I kept track of how many months passed. Two years was all I had. But that would prove to be enough.

By the time I deemed myself well enough to travel a year had passed since I had come home. I was now thin and pale and lifeless. I was weak and my youki was even weaker than I was.

I didn't care. I had to go back to Sessh. I had to get out of here before I lost my mind as well. I declared that was leaving, out of the blue one morning at breakfast. Like always I did not eat, nor speak, aside from saying that I was leaving and dismissing protests. My two sisters, Vitani, Xera's daughter, and Ciara, Nala's daughter, were much younger than me and were shown away from the table after my statement. I had a bottle of vodka in my one hand and a cigarette in the other. I had taken to alcohol and nicotine after my ordeal and that was not questioned by anyone.

"You are still too weak to leave child. Please. Wait until you are fully healed." Xera pleaded. Nala, too, had left the room.

"A child I am no longer Xera. You stripped me of that luxury and if I don't leave now my youth and my body will not be the only thing I lost you this place." I snapped.

"Nikita. I'm begging you. You're my daughter. You're all I have left of your mother. Please. If only it's just for another month or so." My dad pleaded.

I snorted. "And look how you repay me for being that." I said opening me arms and looking down at my battered body. My father closed his eyes. They were both defeated. I was leaving.

"Goodbye Mufasa. I hope you can learn to live with the knowledge that my mother is the one who called me to death in the first place. And who instructed me to return only to leave you and this place behind in order to do what I was put here on this forsaken earth to begin with. She was the one who told me to get away from you." I lied. I needed to leave him with harsh words.

I returned to the mansion where Sessh was. And before I even got to his room he came running out and wrapped me in his arms. I feared he would crush me, although he did not hurt me.

"I love you so much Aniki! Gomen-nasia." I whispered. My voice sounded strange to me, heavy.

He pulled back and looked at me. I suppose he then noticed the condition I was in. because his joy fell away and was replaced by a rage and a sadness I had never before seen. He was nineteen now and more beautiful than ever. I was seventeen and on the brink of disappearing.

"What did they do to you Ariel?" He growled.

I told him my story as he carried me to his bed and lay me down into the soft silk. It was black now, no longer red.

After I finished my story I could do nothing but cry. I cried even though it hurt my fragile body. He held me close and cried with me. I had never felt so weak and broken in my life. I suppose that must have been how he had felt at first. My youki was enveloped completely by his. It was so soothing that I was soon calm and placid once again. It felt like I was home at last.

I asked him about his year and he told me that nothing out of the ordinary had happened. His father had come back three times and had taken him again those three times but that he had managed to go through that with easy. The bastard did not even managed to make him bleed again. He found this amusing.

I slowly started to recover and after almost a year I felt more like myself. I had returned to my normal weight. I hated being skinny. I didn't want my bones to stick out. My stomach was flat and I was well toned, dare I say better built than I had been when I was younger. I continued to drink, but stopped smoking. Sessh began to drink as well. All the same, I was healing.

When InuTaisho came back he did so without his mate and the hanyou. He was raving mad at something and we did not care to find out what.

I suggested one day that we leave the castle. Sessh smirked at me and nodded. It was decided then that we should leave. We left that night.

_A/N I like I like I love!_

_It's so sad! Oh yeah I forgot to say Sesshomaru doesn't have the stripes on his cheeks yet! That is reserved for later. Don't hate me for tormenting him! I aint the only one. _

**Chapter 5**

_**Bandits**_

We were walking quietly down the road when we heard laughter and loud talking from a clearing just up ahead. We were cautious at first, but then we saw it was nothing but two drunken fools who were waltzing around a bonfire signing 'a pirate's life for me' way off key and far too loud.

The one had long black hair that was braded and hung down past his ass. Mine hung to my shins by now and Sessh's came down to his knees. The other one had an aqua marine hairclip holding up brown hair. He also had a blue stripe under each eye. The one with the black hair had a lilac cross on his forehead.

They stopped when they saw us and the one with the black hair waltzed over to us.

"What…'hick…who… are you?" He slurred.

"You first." I said.

The other one came trudging at me. "Listen here _woman_! I demand to know…'hic'…who the fuck you are!" I found this one completely hilarious, just by looking at him.

"Who is this _I_ you speak of?" Sessh asked.

The one with the brown hair looked at Sessh and licked his lips. He giggled and shivered.

"Yummy yummy. What do we have here?" He purred.

"I am Sesshomaru and this is Nikita. Now who the fuck are you? We mean you no harm."

The man looked at him blankly. Then smiled brightly. He latched onto his friend. "This is Bankotsu and I'm Jakotsu. Pleased to lick you." He said .

"He means meet you." The other one said quickly.

Jakotsu's face fell. "Awww! But Ban-chan. Look at him! He's so fucking hornyating! Why can't we lick him?" He keened. I could not help but laugh and Sessh could no longer contain his own giggle.

"Don't call me that Jaki!" Bankotsu snarled.

"Gomen-nasai Bunny." He pouted.

Bankotsu turned several different shades of red before turning his attention back to us.

"We are bandits. And we are drunk and still have a lota sake to get through before the sun rises. So if you would like, maybe you could help us with this problem?" He inquired.

"We would be honored." Sessh said.

"Yay!!" Jakotsu exclaimed jumping up and down.

We drank to whole night and slept most of the day. But when we woke up we went through the formalities again and learned that they were bandit zombies, and that they were yaoi. Sessh had no clue what this meant so I explained. He was dumbfounded that there were people who actually did that willingly. And Jaki was more than willing to straddle Sessh on the spot. But as the day dragged by and we walked with them in no particular direction, I realized that Sessh really didn't mind the bandit's attention that much. He rather enjoyed having the love stuck fool around him.

"So where are you from again?" Bankotsu asked. The other two were sleeping., and we went for a walk under the full moon.

"No where in particular."

Before I knew it Jaki was behind me. "Ola Bitch." He said. I figured he didn't like me all that much.

"Jaki. Be nice." Bankotsu said.

"That's okay. I am a bitch." I said.

This made the brown haired one sparkle. "Why?" He asked.

Something made me answer. Bankotsu disappeared somewhere and Jaki walked silently beside me listening. I told him everything. By the time I finished my story, he was sniffling. I did not mean to make him cry. I had unintentionally told him Sessh's story as well, but for some odd reason I trusted him.

"Why are you crying Ona?" I asked.

"I don't know. I guess I just thought I was the only one who'd been hurt."

I passed him a questioning glance. He lifted his shirt revealing countless scars on his toned body. "My Outaa-san. She hated me because I was a boy." He said simply.

Since that day the bandit zombies became a part of us. I soon became inseparable from Jaki and even more so from Sessh.

Eventually our paths split from the zombies. But we promised to see each other as much as we could.

One day I was called to my cousin, Naraku. He needed help with something. I had always been close to him. He was the only member of my family who I still loved. Sessh stayed behind and went in search of his little brother.

_A/N Yeah okay I know! Naraku in my story is only fighting InuYasha, not Sessh. _

_The something I am talking about has to do with the Shekon jewel but don't worry about that. It's not mentioned again._

**Chapter 6**

_**One last kiss**_

He found the house where Izayoi had raised the boy but he, nor she was anywhere to be found.

But He was there. He could smell him. InuTaisho.

Sesshomaru stopped and sniffed the air. He shuddered as he caught the unmistakable scent of his father. He had hoped that he would never have to face him again, but fate had decided otherwise it seemed.

"You missed my scent didn't you boy?" He heard the youkai's voice from out of the shadows. It had been four years since he had seen him, now that hope was gone.

"So you got your pawns on him after all." Sessh said.

His father charged him and slammed him up against a wall. "I will never harm him. He's not as worthless as you." Tai hissed in his ear.

His father's words had stopped mattering to him ages ago.

"So, my pet. Now that you have returned to me, I suppose I must welcome you properly." The youkai lord whispered. He slowly began to take off Sesshomaru's armor.

He did not fight him, he couldn't fight him. Sessh had never been a match for his father, simply because the older youkai had taken his birth right and handed it, openly, to his baby brother, without a second thought.

An Inu without a sword worthy of his name was no match for a true leader.

Sesshomaru knew that this would be a night like all the others, before Nikita had made her appearance. He felt the old spike of fear and submission slam into his heart.

He let his stoic mask slip, knowing that it would only bring his father more _joy_ to see him act like a true Inu.

For the last time Sesshomaru allowed himself to submit to the dog lord who called himself his father.

As his father took him like so many times before he found himself wondering what his precious Izayoi would have thought of him if she knew how he treated his first born.

He wondered what many people would think.

This time it was different. There was no pain. This was too wrong, even for him to fathom. He let himself give up his fight against the pleasure and drowned himself in it. He was indulging, but why? Why did it feel so good?

When it was over. That is when the last of Sesshomaru was consumed by his father's twisted ways. As the older youkai pulled out of him he leaned down and kissed him softly in his neck. He whispered softly, "You did well my boy. You made me proud."

This was all the tormented Sesshomaru could take. He sank to the floor, tears running unchecked down his cheeks.

His father kneeled before him and cupped his face in his hands. He sunk two of his claws into each of Sesshomaru's cheeks and sliced four perfect lines into his son's face.

"Now you will never be free." He whispered as he left his first born, his heir. Bleeding and crying in the house in which his youngest had been raised so lovingly.

That was the love of InuTaisho, the dog lord whom the world worshiped for his kind and caring ways. His love for humans and demons alike had made him an icon for hope.

If only the world had truly known him, had known what he really was, would they then still have loved him so?

I was trotting through the forest when I caught a strange scent in the air. It was not far off, but I recognized it. It was a sickly mix of musk and blood. But where had I smelled it before? How did I know this, and why did it make me want to cry?

My youki let out a howl that echoed through my head.

_What is your problem?_ I asked it irritated.

_InuTaisho!_ It growled.

I felt my heart sink. "Aniki." I whispered as my eyes leaked black like an inu leaks red.

My claws turned black and the demon markings on my face and my back tingled.

I sped off in the direction of the smell, but the mutt was long gone. There I found Sessh sitting on the steps, wearing only his inner layer of silks. His face was hidden in his hands and behind his hair, but I could see there was blood running down his arms.

At first I thought that it was the scars on his wrists that the mutt had reopened.

"Aniki?" I said softly. He seemed so fragile. He let out a sob at hearing my voice. I kneeled before him and took his hands from his face. I burst into tears when I saw the two incisions on each cheek. I hugged him and he curled into a ball with his head on my lap and he cried like I had never heard him cry before. InuTaisho had taken everything from him now. Even his face.

That night I promised, not only Sessh, but myself as well that Tai would pay for every second of torment he ever put him through. And we had people to back us for that.

Jakotsu and Bankotsu met up with us soon after and they were beside themselves with rage over what had happened.

Sessh soon after, found his brother and the boy was nothing more than a shadow of his legacy. He had the sword that was needed to defeat InuTaisho but he would not give it up. For some reason Sesshomaru left the boy with that. He never knew what his father had done to his brother. He didn't understand. He was a hanyou. He knew nothing of the horrors that lie beneath being a youkai.

Years later Mufasa was blessed with a grandson, an heir, not from me but from Vitani, my younger sister. Jaki and Bankotsu never left us again and with their help we managed to catch InuTaisho and hand him over to a good friend of mine. Jodah. He was the owner of an underground sex club called the Hentai corp. He knew a man named OniGumo Sakuro who specialized in the philosophy of 'sticks and stones may break my bones but whips and chains excite me'. InuTaisho was never the same again. He had spent five years on an island in the middle of the Atlantic ocean in the modern era, at the "mercies" of Sakuro. He was tortured and raped every third day which amounted the to exact amount of times he had managed to get his hands on Sesshomaru.

Jaki's mother ended up dead in the middle of the Western lands. (Geeze I wonder how she died? I ask myself trying to appear innocent)

When I was thirty five Sesshomaru asked me to his mate, and off course I accepted.

A year later I had a son. Mufasa found this heart wrenching since he only found out about it when the boy was sixteen. We named him Rosier, or Ross for short. The arch angel of vengeance. InuTaisho found out round about the same time that Mufasa did and thus he came to me. Begging for forgiveness and redemption. He had broken his youki. It no longer had a mind of its own. I did not naught but laugh.

"Does he hate me?" He had asked, referring to Ross.

"Wouldn't you like to know." Was my reply and that was that. We never saw InuTaisho again. We heard of his untimely death, but paid no mind to it. Ross expressed an intense dislike for Mufasa and declared he would have nothing to do with him anymore. Which suited us just fine.

So that is our story. The story of how I came to know Sesshomaru and how I learned to defy my own nature and my own kind. You see the truth is always the hardest to face. But once you face it, it becomes all the more horrible for the people who don't know.

Ignorance is bliss yes, but I would much rather be hated for what I am than be loved for what I am not.

And that is the dirty little secret of the honorable Dog Lord InuTaisho.

_A/N COMPLETE! SO what do you think?_

_I know it's not exactly a love story but that's about as romantic as I get._

_Don't ask me why I hate InuTaisho, I just do. _

_Sorry for the lack of InuYasha in the story, he will appear more valiantly in the others. _

_Chow!_


End file.
